Engagement rings, do you care about the size?

[sunny nic]

As to engagement rings, do you care about the size? I think the size is not an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf don't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her(which I mean to give her on Valentine's day).
Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?

[Bill LaPointe]

Sunny,

After almost 30 years in the jewelry business, I can assure you that size matters! Sadly, given the choice between quality and size, most will choose size. I suspect this is due to lack of knowledge, but that's just a guess based on experience. You'll just have to learn to live with it. Good luck!

[Tim Boger]

I'd get her a box of chocolate and allow more time to develop the true values all relationships need ....

[Charlie Reals]

+1 to that Tim and I would make it a small box

[Dan Hintz]

How long have you been together? I agree with Tim to a degree... if this has been an otherwise wonderful and giving relationship, congratulations, you just found the first (of hopefully not too many) irrational emotional response. If this is simply one more "You're not doing enough for me" type of response in a long line of them, time to re-evaluate if she's the one. It's all too easy to convince yourself you can look past things like this (over and over again), but eventually it catches up with you and the marriage goes downhill to the land of bitterness.

I proposed to my wife with a 1.90Ct, VVS1 brilliant yellow square cut in a custom-designed ring... the thing is gorgeous. Her response (after the excitement and panic wore down)? "It's too big!" That's one of the reasons I love her... she's not materialistic, so I'm happy to get her what she wants. A 3-yr+ girlfriend before her? Very materialistic, and we were always arguing about what I was going to buy for her next, where the money was going to come from, when she could quit her job, etc... there's a reason she's an ex.

Nutshell? You need to take a long, hard look at what your relationship is built on before making a decision.

[Paul McGaha]

I was lucky. My wife (and her sisters) actually picked out her ring. She's been happy with it for (34) years now. Too easy.

If I had to pick one out I'm sure I'd be completely lost.

PHM

[Chris Damm]

If she's the right one this question would not have come up! You had better rethink your relationship. This coming from someone who has gone through this 4 times (4 engagements and 3 weddings) and wish someone would have given me this advice in 1965. The love of my life didn't care if she got ring or not and we have had 18 wonderful years together.

[Charlie Reals]

A big plus 2 to that one Chris. same stats here, my first was 64. Musta been something in the water back then.

[Russell Johnson]

Sunny, You have been given some good advice here. However I want to add something based on my experience. I proposed with the smallest ring sold and just as I got on my knees I said we'll pick out the real thing. She loved picking out her ring. I also made sure we went somewhere that the ring and diamond are selected separately then she worked through the the options according to her taste. Best of luck on the very important decision.

[Chris Kennedy]

I would be a little slower to be worried about her reaction. I'll agree with others that if this is just the most recent in a string of behavior, then maybe you should spend some time doing some serious thinking and introspection, but I somehow doubt you would get to the point of proposing if that were the case.

What you may be running into is that your fiancee has a vision of how everything about getting married should be. The engagement ring will be a certain size and type, the dress will be glittering samite, she will be flanked by her ten closest friends, the ice swan at the reception will be exquisite. Oh, and there will be pew bows in the church. Never forget the pew bows.

Okay -- I'm trading on stereotypes a bit here, but this does happen. An ex of mine had the entire vision of her engagement and wedding all planned out since she was 17. My wife didn't, but my mother-in-law knew exactly how our wedding was supposed to be (the order for the invitations got canceled by her at one point because the wording was "too informal").

So, my advice would be not to read too much into it.

Cheers,

Chris

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Sunny,

I'm going to bore you with my story.

I got my invitation for a draft physical in 1968. After passing the physical, I enlisted in the Navy for 6 years and got a 51 day delayed entry. 12 days before reporting for bootcamp, I was out with my drinking buddies driving the gravel roads and downing cold beer. When I said I'd like a date with a blonde with a good personality, in the dark I could see their heads turn towards each other as they said "We know the girl. Where do you want to meet her?" The next evening Sharon pulled up beside my '64 SS Impala convertible, got out of her car...walked over and said "Are you Ken?" When I replied in the affirmative, she said "My name is Sharon and I'm your date".

This was my first and only blind date. 3 days and 3 dates later, I asked her to marry me. She was a young, beautiful divorcee with 2 kids from a previous marriage. We picked out matching gold bands the next day....notice....no diamonds...no engagement ring... 8 days later I left for bootcamp after signing over my checking and savings accounts. 2 days after I got home, we married on Christmas Eve. The next summer she lost that gold band. We were swimming in a lake and she was chasing me. As I climbed the ladder on the dock she grabbed my ankle. My jerking my foot in play, caused her ring to come off. Me and others dove until it was too dark to see and couldn't find that ring. The next summer I bought her a diamond and paid for it by giving blood. As a young E-2 and E-3 in the '60s, giving blood was the only alternative method of paying for it.


Did I mention we just celebrated 42 years of marriage this past Christmas Eve? ...and we both retired this week......and she is older than I and could have retired but continued working to pay for the empty shell for my shop that she had built 5 or 6 years ago? I nearly lost her to a rare form of cancer 18 years ago. I'd be an empty shell without her by my side.

And yet.....I wouldn't recommend my method to anybody else.

Size doesn't matter. Quality does.....quality of person that is.

You might want to reconsider this and wait for a while.

[Belinda Barfield]

Sunny, if you are confused and have the least doubt about this relationship don't propose. If you are happy with the relationship give it a little more time. I don't know your girlfriend's age but it is possible she just needs a little more time to mature.

Within reason, stone type and size do matter to many women (sadly). The engagement ring is a status symbol just like a flashy sports car. Women are extremely competitive. Once we cared who brought home the biggest bison as that was perceived to mean the man was a good provider and would and could provide for a family . . . now its houses and rings. Certainly not all women feel this way and I am not bashing women, just stating the facts as I know them.

Bill surely knows more about this than I, but a carat to a carat and a half seems to be the minimum standard these days. If your budget allows for that - great. If not, then get what your budget allows. My ex proprosed to me when he graduated med school. The ring had three stones, a central stone that was a half carat and two side stones of a quarter each. The ring and matching band cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $2500. Later on he could have afforded a much larger stone and he offered to get one for me but I refused because I knew that he bought what he could afford at the time and his common sense and money sense meant a lot more to me than the size of the ring. All of his friends were doing that ridiculous "three month's salary" rule - or some stupid thing like that - and going into debt to buy huge engagement rings.

My advice, harsh thougth it may be, is ride off into the sunset in search of someone who loves you for who and what you are, not for what you can give her. Hopefully I have misjudged her and this is just an isolated incident in your relationship but it does bear some further thought on your part as her attitude about the ring is a pretty good predictor of how her attitude will be in the future. Then again, who am I to give advice . . . I'm a repeat offender so I obviously don't know poop from picolos about what makes a good marriage (other than being faithful - being unfaithful is a mega deal breaker). Good Luck!

[Leo Graywacz]

My wife didn't get her diamond ring until 20 years into the marriage.

If your girl thinks it is to small I think there will be "materialistic" problems later in the marriage. It shouldn't be about the ring, but the gesture. The ring can always be upgraded, but you two will be stuck with each other for a long time (divorce withholding) to worry about a pc of jewelry.

Ask her what size diamond she was planning on getting you, she how she answers that question.

[Brian Kent]

Honey, I'd like to buy a 20" Agazzani Band saw.
Well, dear, as you said, size doesn't matter. Here is a 10" Craftsman!

Just kidding.

(edit: Why do I feel so guilty about this post? )

But seriously, I would say this is the beginning of a long conversation with each other, finding out what is most important to both of you. Is this the one thing that is important to her, one of several, or will every gift be a symbol of the relationship? And what about when you start buying a set of Lie Nielsen planes?

I am very grateful that my wife wanted exactly the right style of ring, not the most expensive or biggest stone. And she is glad I like to shop carefully, buy used, and save up for tools gradually.

[John Coloccia]

I'm pretty sure I could have put a rubber band around my wife's hand and it would have been ok. The ex-fiance from my early 20's was significantly more picky. EX-fiance, that is. Maybe it means nothing, maybe it's a symptom of a larger pattern. Only you can know that, and whether you're OK with it.