Memories tied to things

[Moses Yoder]

I was talking to my wife about how I couldn't understand why my siblings didn't bid higher on some of my dad's stuff. It really wasn't costing us anything as the bill was credited to a future inheritance so eventually I will have less money than they do but I have things that I can enjoy now. My mom could easily live another 20 years before we get that inheritance and then there is no guarantee it will be there. My wife replied "Well your memories shouldn't be tied to things; you should have those memories even if you don't have the things." I think about things, mull them over for years sometimes and have been thinking about that. I have tools from my grandfather, a number of uncles, and my dad. Every time I pick them up to use them I think of the person that used them before me. I don't see how that could be wrong somehow. When I walk into my shop my grandfather's anvil is setting to the left of my table saw, center stage, and I think of him every time I walk past it. It is a pleasant feeling to realize that they used it and took care of it and now it is up to me to take care of it. My concern would be that if I have nothing with memories tied to then I will slowly forget about that person. What do you think?

[Harold Burrell]

What do you think?

What do I think?

I think you are both right. To you, stuff means more than just...well...stuff. It is a memorial to that person. To your wife...well...let's just say, she's not wired the same way.

What I also think (after reading your post) is that you are a very sensitive and compassionate guy.

[Jim Matthews]

I collect tokens from my family, where possible.

They're not for me, as my memory of the giver is strong.
They're for my children, who only met them in passing.

I know nothing of my Grandmother, who passed before I knew her.
My sons don't know their Grandfather who died at the peak of his game.

We only have photos, and a few artifacts to build the stories around.

You're on the right track, and will be the archivist of your legacy.

[Shawn Pixley]

Moses,

I understand your perspective. When my mother's parents died, my grandfather's tool went to my brother as he would use them more than I. I only really wanted a rocking chair that was my grandfather's. My grandfather was a particularly great role model for me. It was in that chair the he and I discussed life, problem solved, and figured out how to fix most anything. I still have that rocker and it means a lot to me.

On the other hand, that rocker means nothing particular to my son. He does not have any memory of my grandfather. Nor does he have a particular association of me with the rocker. This does not diminish my memories.

If an objects reminds you of something good, why would you not celebrate it?

[Mike Chance in Iowa]

Why shouldn't you have memories tied to things? When you see something, it brings back good (or bad) emotions tied with those things. Yes, you will still have those memories without those items, but having them in view will allow you to conjure up those memories on a regular basis instead of X days, months or years later.

The same thing goes with scents. The smell of lilacs and Fels-Naptha soap remind me of my grandmother who loved when the lilacs were in bloom. While the scent of Lava soap and old engines reminds me of my grandfather.

But, in your wife's defense, is it possible she's worried about you collecting too many things?

[paul cottingham]

I never knew my grandfather. He died when I was less than 1 year old. But I have some of his old tools from his farm that he homesteaded in Saskatchewan when he was a very young man, and they are very important to me. I also have my fathers backpack from the army in World War II. My wife thinks I am nuts. She's (sort of) wrong. :-)

[Jim Matthews]

My wife thinks I am nuts. She's (sort of) wrong. :-)

Try to remember that the only thing our wives were ever wrong about was their choice of husbands.
I make the most of this, my wife's first and (thus far) only mistake.

[Joe Tilson]

Moses,
I feel the same way you do about some of my tools, which came from my dad, and papaw(I'm from TN). The Keystone Pacemaker I got from papaw was used a lot, so now he and I have very much in common. Somehow he is still with me through that saw. By the way my wife feels the same way about her keepsakes.

Jim M.
The wives didn't make a mistake. It just turned out that way. Well, that's what my wife says.

[Larry Whitlow]

The same thing goes with scents. The smell of lilacs and Fels-Naptha soap remind me of my grandmother who loved when the lilacs were in bloom. While the scent of Lava soap and old engines reminds me of my grandfather.

I hate to date myself. The minute I read your comment about scents, I thought of the smell of weed oil. They used to use it around my high school athletic fields and it was kind of linked to football and baseball -- kind of weird I know. Don't know if the stuff is still used. At least, I haven't had a whiff of it in too many years to count.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Moses, I completely understand your view. I am in the fortunate position of being custodian (not owner) of tools dating back 7 generations in my family. They not only invoke memories of my grandfather and my father (still living) but are ties to the woodworking past of my forbearers. In the ultimate sense, they are a trust or in trust for, if you will. I regularly use a 28" Chapin by Union Works jointer plane made around the mid 1840s and I gain exceeding pleasure from knowing that each of the 7 generations of Andersons has held and used it. There are many others like it including a wonderfully repaired block plane that speaks to the Yankee thriftiness of my Great Great Great Grandfather. Sentimental perhaps, but is it not good?

[Chuck Wintle]

I was talking to my wife about how I couldn't understand why my siblings didn't bid higher on some of my dad's stuff. It really wasn't costing us anything as the bill was credited to a future inheritance so eventually I will have less money than they do but I have things that I can enjoy now. My mom could easily live another 20 years before we get that inheritance and then there is no guarantee it will be there. My wife replied "Well your memories shouldn't be tied to things; you should have those memories even if you don't have the things." I think about things, mull them over for years sometimes and have been thinking about that. I have tools from my grandfather, a number of uncles, and my dad. Every time I pick them up to use them I think of the person that used them before me. I don't see how that could be wrong somehow. When I walk into my shop my grandfather's anvil is setting to the left of my table saw, center stage, and I think of him every time I walk past it. It is a pleasant feeling to realize that they used it and took care of it and now it is up to me to take care of it. My concern would be that if I have nothing with memories tied to then I will slowly forget about that person. What do you think?

It makes sense that we tie in memories to objects since vision is the most powerful sense we have. But it perhaps is ties for 1st place with the sense of smell. odors can evoke strong memories forever.

[Brian Elfert]

The only stuff I want from my parents is things I will actually use. I have no intention of taking anything from their estate just for memories. I don't need more stuff to fill my house with junk.

[Scott Shepherd]

If she doesn't think you should have memories attached to things, ask her to hand over all her jewelry so you can sell it "Honey, let's sell your diamond engagement ring"......

[Jason Roehl]

I totally get what you're saying, Moses. My parents grew up on farms, but their generation was the last on my side of the family. But, even growing up, I remember Dad having lots of tools, or at least what I thought was a lot of tools back then. He wasn't into woodworking, just had tools to fix what needed to be, and through moves over the years, some of them have gone away, and I don't have any particular interest in what he has now--I don't even really know what he has, though I know they're moving again soon, so they will probably downsize some more. Heck, I'm fairly certain I have acquired far more tools than he ever had. In the midst of all that, though, I have one item that does have some meaning like your anvil--a 3" long by 1" square sharpening stone that my grandfather gave me many years ago. One end is broken off, and the other has some taper to it and the stone is clogged on that taper with something, so it's not even particularly useful, but it still hangs around, and I come across it every now and then, instantly causing me to think of my Grandpa Ham.

[Mike Null]

I think about this dilemma often at my age of 77. I have a few things that belonged to my father's side of the family. In particular a family album. But my younger brother and sister have no desire to have the album nor do any of our children. Maybe because it vividly depicts the hard scrabble environment of my family in the late 30's and 40's (think the movie "the Grapes of Wrath") but also it represents the only record we have of the family and I am disappointed. I have the memories but the artifacts are important as well.

We lost one of our daughters a few years back and I cherish the gifts I have from her. She was one who carefully selected such things and it showed.