Gloat - they actually do listen

[Shawn Pixley]

When your son is a teenager, you of towards their approach to learning or even listening to you. Some of the things that they do, you wonder if they will survive their teenage years, much less become a successful adult. Well, despair not; they seem to survive and it appears that they were listening after all.

My son is in several different bands and ends up playing 1-2 nights per week. He and his friends / bandmates were on a road trip to San Francisco and returning back in a bandmate's car when the the muffler mount let go on a Sunday in the middle of nowhere. The car's owner was going to call Triple A and have it towed to a repair shop on a Sunday. My son stepped up and said, "I can fix it." He made a temporary tie up to allow them to get to a city. There, a Home Depot was open. He ended up fabricating a muffler support out of hose clamps and pipe hanger material. It wasn't a permanent fix, but enough to get back to Southern California. My son has never seen me work on cars, only our house and my boat. So best of all, he was able to apply what I had tried to instill in him (problem solving) in a completely different setting. He was very proud of himself.

My son is 24 and is a professional recording engineer. But work can be slow to come by and while he lives at home and records as much as he can, he wasn't bringing in a lot of money. As such we encouraged him to apply early and often to find work that would supplement his income. He interviewed and got a job assembling bicycles. after the background check, drug test, and orientation , his first full week's worth of work was this week. He has done well and so they are going to make him the lead assembler. This will mean more hours and a bit more surety to be retained after the Christmas holidays. We want him to stick with his passion, but would like him to be able to eat as well. Eventually (heavy sarcasm here), we would like him to move out to his own place. I have plans for his room - Muh-ha-hah-ha!

So any of you with teenagers who aren't listening (except to their iPhone), are defiant, argumentative, and just plain disagreeable; the kids do get out of that stage and they are watching and listening. You'll look up someday, and you'll find a smart hardworking young adult that is your son or daughter. Do not despair...

[Moses Yoder]

Thanks for the encouragement, great story.

[Mike Cozad]

Great story! I have one that is similar as well.

My oldest boy and I struggled with quite a bit when he was a teen. The weird part is that is just with me. Everything I said was wrong or bogus and I was too "anal". Fast forward almost 5 years and he has become just like me in his profession. He is exacting and "anal" in his quality of work and customer service. He is the only machinist in a shop that builds nothing but drag racing engines and components. When a machine is purchased his boss saves the installation costs and my son places it and sets it up. If something is broken my son is called on to fix it. The mechanics that work there are happy to use bailing wire and bubble gum, but my son isn't having any of that. It gets fixed right, and often better than OEM.

He has even taken up golf, a sport he said was too boring and ridiculous, and now can't play enough. He's turned out better than I could have hoped watching him as a teen. Sometimes I guess we just have to wait for them to get out of their own way....

[Moses Yoder]

Years 4-12; dad is my hero. 13-24; dad is a complete idiot. 25-45 Maybe dad knew what he was talking about? After dad is gone; boy I wish I had paid more attention.

[Bob Rufener]

Nice story Shawn. If I had the ability to turn back the clock, I certainly would have had our two boys work with me more closely on mechanical and fixemup projects. Our oldest son bought a condo in Denver about 6 years ago. He was going to hire someone to paint the interior. I asked him why he wasn't going to do it. He said he didn't know how. I felt so bad and I realized that was on me. I flew out there and he and I worked for three solid days painting walls, ceilings and woodwork. We almost got it done before I flew back home. We worked together on it and he became more fussy than I am. Since then, he got married, repainted and is feeling good about doing things on his own. Our youngest son came home from California for 12 days this summer and he helped me replace the deck boards on our deck. We worked hand in hand and I told him what I know about replacing the decking and using power tools. He really helped a lot and got comfortable using a circle saw and other tools. I only wish I had done more of these things while they were growing up.

[Julie Moriarty]

Proof that as long as we keep the lines of communication open and continue to guide and support our children, they will make us proud. Shawn, I can see you doing that rather well. Your son may not have ever seen you work on cars, but he saw how you tackled your challenges. And he learned. I think we all do things that teach others how to do better in life that we never realize until times like this.

[Shawn Pixley]

Nice story Shawn. If I had the ability to turn back the clock, I certainly would have had our two boys work with me more closely on mechanical and fixemup projects. Our oldest son bought a condo in Denver about 6 years ago. He was going to hire someone to paint the interior. I asked him why he wasn't going to do it. He said he didn't know how. I felt so bad and I realized that was on me. I flew out there and he and I worked for three solid days painting walls, ceilings and woodwork. We almost got it done before I flew back home. We worked together on it and he became more fussy than I am. Since then, he got married, repainted and is feeling good about doing things on his own. Our youngest son came home from California for 12 days this summer and he helped me replace the deck boards on our deck. We worked hand in hand and I told him what I know about replacing the decking and using power tools. He really helped a lot and got comfortable using a circle saw and other tools. I only wish I had done more of these things while they were growing up.

Great story yourself Bob! Your sons are lucky to have a Father that cares as much as you. Great work raising two successful sons?

[Shawn Pixley]

Mike - great story. Clearly you did something right. Drag racing engines are incredibly precise units. My borther took me to a drag racing event once. It is incredibly impressive to see them tear down a top fuel engine and rebuild it in 90 minutes. If your son works on these, he is one of the rarified few. Good on him!

[George Bokros]

Great stories guys. I too worked with my son in his teens, mostly on cars. We pulled transmissions, put in clutches, replace head gaskets etc. He will now tackle anything on his own without fear, even home improvements, which he had no interests in when he was a teen.

One time I was called to the local police station to retrieve him. When I got there the officer said that he was brought in because it was near curfew and my son and his best friend were in a car with two older boys (18 yo son was 17) and there was a six pack of beer int the car. None was opened but the officer thought it was in the boys best interest to call their parents. The police also brought my son's best friend he also was 17. On the way home my son looked very sheepish in the car. I told him he did nothing wrong he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

On another occasion my son had his eye on a 1969 Merc Cougar he wanted. We looked at it and decided to buy it. He already had a car but wanted this as a hobby. He had the money to buy it. We looked at it and I decided it was worth the money and I would go and buy it on Saturday when he came home from work. On Friday night he came home from work looking a little under the weather. He was leaning against the kitchen counter and all of a sudden he fell forward. Luckily I caught him and sat him down. I asked what happened and he said he stopped at Mikes house, Mike was not 18 but was a little wild, and he drank two beers in about 40 minutes. He thought he would not get the Cougar now. I surprised him the next morning and told him we were still going to get the car. This really bonded us. He made a mistake but was not punished for making it.

We are close to this day.