Favorite Customer Conversations - Add Yours

[Ed Maloney]

Customer: Do you offer wholesale pricing on this item?
Me: Yes! How many would you like?
Customer: 2

[Scott Shepherd]

Me: When do you need it?
Customer: No hurry at all, a couple weeks is fine, I have no set date I need to have it by.
Me: Alright, give us about two weeks and we'll call you when it's ready.
Customer: Sounds great!

(next day)
Me: (Answering phone) Can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I was in there yesterday with a project, I just wanted to see if was ready for me to pick up.

[Gary Hair]

Good morning, Laser Image:

1 - So I've got really bad toenail fungus and want to know how much you charge?
2 - How much do you charge for tattoo removal?
3 - How much do you charge for engraving?

[Scott Shepherd]

Good morning, Laser Image:

1 - So I've got really bad toenail fungus and want to know how much you charge?
2 - How much do you charge for tattoo removal?
3 - How much do you charge for engraving?

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[Ed Maloney]

I have had this conversation many times.

Customer: I will be ordering a lot more in the future if this works out.
Me: Sounds great!

Never heard back from any of them at all.

[Jiten Patel]

Morning,
Customer: I love your work and want xxx stationery suite, how much is it?
Me: With all your quantities etc the total comes to £7800
Customer: oooh thats quite a lot, I really love it...is there anyway you can do it for £300
Me: (static noise) you are (static) breaking (static) up (Click)!

Ed your one made me crack up! Hilarious!

[Chris DeGerolamo]

All the time: "How much does it cost to [insert completely nondescript custom one-off job]?

Bonus points: "I have the artwork; I'll send it in an e-mail." <sends e-mail> Artwork is a thumbnail.

[Ross Moshinsky]

Customer: I made a mistake. Can you fix it?
Me: Sorry, I cannot in this case. I can replace it for you for (normally much less than the original price).
Customer: You can't just fix it?

My favorite was a customer from a few weeks ago. They ordered some solid brass letters for a plaque he and his son were building. Well, they really needed plastic 1/8" thick letters if they wanted to match up to a previous order. Would have saved him about $600-700 I believe. I also told them the process of how to do the job on at least 5 separate occasions. He either didn't want to listen or didn't get it at all. I really hope it works out for them but doing a 325 plate perpetual plaque probably isn't the best idea for an Eagle Scout project.

[Real Mercier]

" I have a lot of contacts in this field. If you do this for me (for nothing of course), it will generate a lot of business for you"

Real Mercier

[Mike Null]

"I'm doing a project for this charity as a donation. (today it was for the police wives association) I'll need some really sharp pricing or maybe you'd like to donate your services." I wouldn't so now what?

It never seems to occur to people that I might have my own charities or groups that I help out with low prices or free work. And I'm old enough and busy enough that I have very little patience for such people.

[Chris J Anderson]

Client: I'd like mine and fiance's name engraved onto this nice wooden spoon.
Me: No probs, write your names down on this piece of paper.
Me: Engrave as required.

Client on pickup of item (sheepishly): Thats not the correct spelling on fiancé's name.
Me: You wrote it down. OK, I'll buzz it off in the rotary, and start again. You write her name down again.
Me: Engrave as required, then leave item out for him to pick up over weekend.

Client phone call on weekend: Spelling is wrong again, (he's laughing by now) my Fiance will kill me, can you engrave again.
Me: Yes.
Me: Buzz off in rotary and engrave again. This time it was correct.

At least he laughed about it. Dunno how he'll go remembering anniversaries etc, he's in for a hell of a life !!!

[Kev Williams]

My company name is Williams & Sons Engraving. When people find it online or wherever, that's what they find.
Because I'd rather 'be myself' rather than all-business like, I always just answer the phone "Williams & Sons".

About 3 times a week, the first question I get from new callers is "Do you do engraving?"

But my favorite-est exchange was getting a phone call from a guy, all frantic, that went something like:
"I have a problem! I just bought 4000 frying pans from China, and I just found out before I can sell them
they have to say "made in China" on them! Can you do that??"
"Sure, do you have one I can look at?"
"Yeah, I'll be right over!"

The pans were quite small, STEEL not aluminum, maybe 4" in diameter, and there's no way to batch-engrave them. One-at-a-time job, which I explain.

"Ok, you have 4000 pans, I'll them for $5000, $1.25 each.
He turned white. I just killed his dream...
"Uh, I only paid $1000 for them!"
well...

[Keith Colson]

Them: if I bring a case of beer around will you discount the job?

Me, Yes!

haha

[Rodne Gold]

Customer : How much for 1000 of these to be made

Me: $20 a pop

Customer: I will take 5 .. thats $100

Me: 5 will cost you $50 a pop..thats $250

Customer : But Im going to take 1000 , the 5 are just the first order

me: Ok , pay $50 a pop for the 5 and when you order the 995 balance , we will credit you the difference

Customer has no answer for THAT!!!

[Gary Hair]

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

If the toe fungus was a one-off it wouldn't be so bad, I get that call about once a month.