Hi Folks,
The repercussions of my ill-fated trip to LaCrosse NEVER seem to stop.
As all of us who were there know, everything that has “haunted” us since that trip is Howl’s fault!
In the most recent of the many tragedies that have befallen me since my LaCrosse “indiscretion”, my daughter and her two semi-legitimate rugrats paid us an agonizing three-day visit (actually it was 2 days, 22 hours, 17 minutes and 43 seconds). Stacey actually claims that her rugrats are MY grandkids! Imagine THAT!
I wanted to try out my GRANNY PANTIES and you can see that Stace and I were drawn closer together than we have been since the day that she was born. Once “the chord” was cut, she was pretty much on her own. Being the concerned, forward-looking father that I was, I had a full-time job lined up for her three months before she was even born! I must be a Prince among mere humans!!
Anyway, I also knew that she was a bit upset with having to trade in her sporty mini-SUV for a full-sized van as a result of her expanded family. What an opportunity for a timid guy like ME!! I must have rubbed her patience raw with a number of brilliant “Soccer Mom” comments. Whatever, I think that what caused the eventual nuclear reaction was when I offered to give her the GRANNY PANTIES for her birthday in two years. The last words I remember saying were, “ Soccer Mom Van today, GRANNY PANTIES in two years”! POW!!
The gurgling mound of bloody gore on my face is the former location of my mouth and teeth. There must be a moral lesson here: NEVER, EVER, offer a gift of size 56 GRANNY PANTIES to a newly appointed “Soccer Mom Van” driver!! It gets even WORSE if she is your redheaded daughter and is paying you back for YEARS of verbal abuse.
On the OTHER hand, she could NEVER pay me back for my cherished memories of her life and accomplishments. My LOVE for her would pale the treasures of the Pharaohs of Egypt!
I think that she feels the same way about me but she sure has strange ways of showing it!
In the meantime, what do I do with the GRANNY PANTIES? At present, they are hung on the “Wall of Fame” in my shop – right by the main light switch! They join the “pictured” key hanger that Stacey made for me in Kindergarten and Cupid’s (my deceased shop cat) last toy mouse and collar. That, folks, is HOLY ground!!
Dale T.