Heres your sign

[David Freed]

My daughter sent these to me in an e-mail

How do these people survive?

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened..

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly..
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key andmanually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

[Rick Davidson]

I see these things all the time.

In fact earlier this week I was out of town for work and ordered a pizza to my hotel room. When it got there it was $13.97 and I handed him a 20 dollar bill he looked confused and then proceeded to use his fingers to count and figure out the change.

[Jon Knauft]

A couple of years ago my wife and I were out east visiting friends. They suggested we go to a local amish restaurant for lunch and then stop by the amish store next door afterwords. My wife and I bought quite a few items and proceeded to the checkout. Standing there was a boy probably about 10-11 to check out our items. We probably had 2 dozen items and after looking at each item once he told us our total was 48.27. He had totaled everything in his head and then calculated the tax as well. The items weren't easy whole number either. No scanner, calculator, etc. He gave me my change from the cash box and it was right the first time. No finger counting, nothing!

There is hope for the youth of today!

-Jon

[Jack Wilson]

I was once working at a lumber store behind the counter, I inadvertently short changed a customer, (really, it WAS a mistake). The customer pointed out my mistake and chagrined, I corrected his change and made a self effacing joke, I told him "like I always say, there are three kinds of people in this world, those that can count, and those who can't". He stared stone faced at me and asked me, "well which one am I?". I told him by the time he got home he'd figure it out.

[Montgomery Scott]

"When it got there it was $13.97 and I handed him a 20 dollar bill he looked confused and then proceeded to use his fingers to count and figure out the change." -- product of public education

"He had totaled everything in his head and then calculated the tax as well. The items weren't easy whole number either. No scanner, calculator, etc. He gave me my change from the cash box and it was right the first time. No finger counting, nothing!" -- product of private education

[Greg Cuetara]

Jon I hope you are right. I went to a local ice cream shop this summer and the total came to $11.25 so I gave her $21.25...hoping to just get a $10 back. She came back with the $1.25 and said she didn't need it and had made change from the $20...

[Gene Howe]

......and they vote!

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

"Heres your sign "

Which comedian did that skit?? A guy at work uses that line *all* the time ... let's just say the "people with the sign" don't always understand why he said it

[Scott Shepherd]

-- product of public education

Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on public education. Keep in mind the CEO's that are running all these companies in trouble, more often than not, have the best educations money can buy!

[Tony Joyce]

That would be - Jeff Engvall

[Dave Johnson29]

That would be - Jeff Engvall

Er, actually Bill Engvall

[James Ogle]

Here is one from work back in the summer. Guy is building a deck and wants to know how deep to put the footings. We told him that 18" to 24" should be fine. He complained that was too deep. We assured him it was right. He complained again. We stated then that 2' is optimum but a foot and half would work. "Well I will dig two feet but not 18 inches", was his reply. Never did find out how that deck turned out.

Another from years ago. I was installing fireplaces and their surrounds in North Carolina. I was out at the truck trimming a return and a young man walks up. He asked if we were hiring. I said sure if you don't mind working and aren't afraid of heights.

He asked what the job entailed. I told him "Measuring, leveling and fitting the units and their trim. It was easy to learn if you could read a tape measure and hammer a nail." He asked "How do you do that?" "Do what?" "Read a tape," he said. Never mind about that job.

[David Epperson]

That would be - Jeff Engvall

Or was it BILL Foxworthy? LOL.

[Mitchell Andrus]

-- product of public education -- product of private education

It takes no education at all to be good at basic math. It does however take an advanced college degree to screw up the world's economy.

They seem to work hard at keeping the smart ones out as they let the educated ones in.
.

[Mitchell Andrus]

My dad once had a guy in his shop who couldn't figure out how to mark cartons for shipment... one of four, two of four, three of four....etc.

1/4, 2/4, 3/4, 4/4 was too much for him.
.