Engagement rings, do you care about the size?

[Dan Mages]

My wife's engagement ring is .7ct I bought smaller to get better quality. I looked at it compared to a 1ct and you can barely see the difference.

Dan

[Van Huskey]

Everyone has a different story and a different situation, my first wife got a .5 caret SI 1 stone in a pretty but nothing special setting, I ask she said yes and loved her ring. I was just out of grad school and I spent what I could.

14 years later after being divorced for 7 years I had a "girl friend" of 6 years who was basically my wife but I had been reluctant to tie the knot again. I had taken the usually mild and good-natured ribbing for her about when we were going to get married. She talked about rings often and mentioned size etc and I joked (semi-serious) about how the longer I waited the larger the stone "requirement" got. When I decided to ask her we actually went stone shopping, picked one out and she (being an artist) designed the ring and we had it made. I was able to surprise her since the ring was finished earlier than the jeweler had told her... We were on vacation at the time and I ask her, on one knee, in the National Gallery of Art in DC. I won't replay the speech, which I remember almost word for word but the gist was here surrounded by centuries of the most beautiful things man has ever created I am struck by the fact they all pale in comparison to the beauty I see before me, will you be my wife? She would have married me without the speech and with a ring from a Cracker Jack box or none for that matter but I gave her what I was ABLE to give her at the time, just like my first wife. Part of this is based on my idea that an engagement ring and the diamond(s) in it are forever. I am happy to buy more jewelry BUT that ring and that stone is THE ring to symbolize that bond made on that day, I therefore did all I could without borrowing or destabilizing our finances.

I placed a 3.19 caret round brilliant, VVS1, H color with an AGA Class 1A cut on here finger. Apart from a few German cars and my homes I have never paid more for any single thing in my life. However, no possession has ever brought me more joy than that ring, because it has brought her more joy than I can express, it is not A thing it is THE thing in her life. Our relationship would be no different had it been 1/10th the size or 1/100th the cost. The point is I did what I could and she appreciates it ever day. She fell in love with me when I was darn near broke after my divorce and she loves me today when things are better and she has never once ask for anything nor expected anything we could not afford at the time.

Does size matter, well sure it does, just ask anyone here if they would rather have a 200sf shop or a 2,000sf shop. The key is when a spouse or potential spouse expects the other to mortgage their life for something that is not a necessity, that is the sign that there is trouble ahead.

Oh and my decision on the size had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact she is 12 years younger and a heck of a lot hotter than I am...

Finally. just to prove she really is vastly superficial let me tell you about her birthday this year. She is difficult to buy for and on top of it I am building and equipping my new shop (my turn for the mad money) so we have been saving. For her birthday I baked a cake and got $13 worth of Princess birthday favors (pink balloons, plates, napkins and a tiara) at the local dollar store and had it out for her when she came down stairs that morning. I knew she would smile but she has been thrilled for 3 weeks and can't stop talking about it. We still have the balloons all over our great room, she refuses to throw them out.

[Joe Angrisani]

Van wrote: "For her birthday I baked a cake and got $13 worth of Princess birthday favors (pink balloons, plates, napkins and a tiara) at the local dollar store and had it out for her when she came down stairs that morning."
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I think we have a winner for the "What Color or Design should Van Huskey paint his Delta 28-350 Refurb Bandsaw?" thread....

[Dan Hintz]

Van,

Amy's setting was also custom designed, and I was able to trick her into thinking it wouldn't be done before we left for a 2-week cruise. Of course, I picked it up a few days before, and I was able to surprise her on bended knee 30 minutes before the first dress dinner. Between tears of joy, the only thing she could say was a word that means my parents weren't married when they had me.

Oh, and I got her a single rose from the on-board florist

[Steve Bistritz]

I was 18 when I proposed to my wife - she was 20. Engagement ring? I didn't have money for bus fare to her house. There was no ring. I was very young and thought I knew what I wanted. I was right. We celebrated our 45th anniversary a few days ago. May I say, respectfully, if you're confused enough to ask for our opinions, you're not ready to propose. Give yourself some time to let the confusion clear itself up - or not.

Just my 2 cents.....my EX did the same thing....and I didn't know any better...take your time my friend...don't let anyone push you.....it will affect the rest of your life....its that important.

[Tim Morton]

i would keep the ring and trade the girl....but thats just me.

[Greg Peterson]

Listening to NPR this past weekend, some college grad called in to the financial planning program to ask about his student loans and his recent engagement ring purchase. Two student loans @ roughly $20k each (one at 6% the other at 3%). Then he went out and bought an engagement ring on a zero interest card (well, the first 18 months IIRC) to add to his debt.

When the host asked him how much he paid for the engagement ring I about choked. He paid $8,500.

This kid is looking at roughly $50k in debt and he is only in his early 20's. That is a mighty deep hole to start from.

Just my two cents worth.

[Van Huskey]

Van,

Amy's setting was also custom designed, and I was able to trick her into thinking it wouldn't be done before we left for a 2-week cruise. Of course, I picked it up a few days before, and I was able to surprise her on bended knee 30 minutes before the first dress dinner. Between tears of joy, the only thing she could say was a word that means my parents weren't married when they had me.

Oh, and I got her a single rose from the on-board florist

Almost the exact same situation I was in. We were going to be gone for about two seeks as well, up through DC to Montreal for the F1 race then back down to Indianapolis for the F1 race there a week later. I didn't even know it was going to be finished until 3 days before we left.

Funny thing I didn't mention is she did NOT say yes, she was so stunned she completely forgot what was going on. To this day she still swears she said yes... In any event she did marry me, so I guess the "I do" is all that matters.

[David Hostetler]

I'm sorry to say it, but the materialistic point of view that she is expressing here is, well... a sign of things to come. What's going to happen if say she wants the fancier car than you can afford? Finances put an awful lot of stress on a marriage, and her attitude toward the ring certainly shows where her heart is in regards to money. I would say don't propose to this one. At least not yet. Give her some time to mature in regards to money and possessions, and if she doesn't, get out and find one that will work with you as a partner in all things in life, not against you as an individual striving for everything they can get... Just my $.02 worth, filtered through a lot of painful experience...

FWIW, LOML's "real" rings are family heirlooms, top quality, and .7 ct. She also has a set of the finest CZs that money can buy from a very high end designer for formal occasions when she wants to be seen with a BIG rock on her hand... I am sure she would like a set of bigger real diamonds, but then again, we self funded our wedding, and honeymoon... Those memories, and time spent on relationships is worth far more than a squeezed piece of coal on her hand...

[Bill Cunningham]

My wife would have been happy with any ring I gave her.
We're coming up on 42 years now.
Choose carefully my friend. It will affect the rest of your lives.
I'm not just talking rings here either!

[Rod Upfold]

I had just started a new job and didn't have a lot of money. I wanted to get her a ring and was traveling the 300 miles by train, I had to switch trains to go north and in the train station there was a place selling rings. I checked them and selected a ring that could be adjusted to any size. The ring cost me $3.00 and we will be celebrating 35 years this April.

[Ruhi Arslan]

Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters..

I am not gonna go there...
I had a ring custom made based on a sketch I made from scratch with a two carat stone surrounded with sapphire and rubies. I flew overseas to propose my now wife at Amsterdam. She loves the ring but doesn't wear it except in special occasions because it attracts too much attention at the NYC metro, she says. I don't think she ever cared of the size of the stone.
If the size of the stone ever to become of an issue, I would sit back and reconsider.

[Mike Cruz]

Sunny, I'm a little late to the party, and likely too late to give you any advice that will effect this particular situation since you said the ring was to be given on Valentine's Day. But my two cents is my two cents...and here it is.

When I decided to get a ring, I thought about long term. What size diamond would carry my wife through her lifetime. Not just now, but when she is later in her years. My wife would have been happier with something smaller, thinking that we could always get something bigger later, if she wanted it, or we could afford it. To me, the stone had meaning. It can't be replaced later. It is the one I chose to give to her. Not one to be replaced later. Luckily for me, my wife is not one for gawdy big. She is refined and elegant. She is also down to earth and hands on. So, a 3 carat diamond would not have suited her...neither her personality nor her lifestyle. She is an attorney and a horse owner/rider. She mingles with in the big leagues at work, and gets as dirty as a 5 year old in a mud puddle.

So, for her, size needed to be, well, fitting. We went with 3/4 carat. Where more money went was into the quality of the diamond. She would have been happy with a rubber band. I would not have been. I wanted the most I could possibly afford. I'm glad I did. That said, I took her with me to the jewelers. WE picked out the stone. WE picked out the setting. That ring symbolizes what WE worked on together. I love seeing it on her hand. She loves seeing that I love seeing it. That is what matters.

Not sure how I would have reacted to her saying what I picked wasn't...enough... I'm not passing judgement on your girlfriend. She may like larger. She might be happy to sacrafice quality for size. Some people would rather have a near perfect 1/4 carat diamond...because it is near perfect, and THEY know it. Some people would rather have a flawed 1 carat stone, because of the initial image of it...not caring about what the difference that they can't see. To each his/her own.

I wish you the best.

[Belinda Barfield]

Am I the only one who wants to know how the story ends? Proposal? Acceptance? Wedding date?

[Greg Portland]

I have a couple of thoughts regarding ring -shopping- (not whether or not you should buy a huge ring):

1) The setting for a diamond and style of cut will greatly affect the visual "size" of the stone. In other words, a 1ct stone can appear to be the same size as a 2ct stone depending on the setting.
2) Diamonds are a commodity and most jewelers can find virtually any stone that you want.
3) I had a very good experience with Whiteflash.com; Bluenile & Costco are other good stores to investigate. Most mall jewelers & chains should be avoided.
4) Start with a budget number and work backward from there. You can get a larger stone by caring less about color & cut.
5) Color is not as important on smaller stones (very hard to detect once it's placed in a setting)
6) Depending on the woman, an actual diamond is not a requirement. There are other unique rings & styles that could be preferred. Also, artificial diamonds & other clear-stone options are out there. Take her out shopping and have her point out the styles, shapes, and sizes that she likes. My wife thought she wanted a 1ct ring until she had one on her finger & thought that it was bulky.
7) A jewelry cleaner will make any ring look better.