whos right and who is in the wrong?

[Mike Wilkins]

The 2 of you should have a 3rd party mediate this situation. Been out of college for a while, but I know the challenges of living with someone for a long time period. Sounds like your roomie will have a problem with anyone he has to share a room with.

[curtis rosche]

Sounds like your roomie will have a problem with anyone he has to share a room with.

dead on. he has had enough roommates do a room change in the past that he actually handed me the papers before i even thought about it, and he has multiple copies so he doesnt have to go to the housing office to get more

[Ken Garlock]

Maybe you could stop by the local Army recruitment office and fill out some paper work for the boy.

[Matt Meiser]

dead on. he has had enough roommates do a room change in the past that he actually handed me the papers before i even thought about it, and he has multiple copies so he doesnt have to go to the housing office to get more

Well, that kind of changes things. Sounds like driving you out is his plan.

[Ben Hatcher]

When I was an RA I had two resident who were roommates who despised each other. Neither wanted to move so they ended up being roommates the following year as well. Eventually, one pulled a sword on the other. Yup, they were that crazy.

[Ted Calver]

Curtis, I know times have changed in the 50 years since I last had a room mate. In the good old days, I could wrestle twice my weight in wildcats and still win....so faced with a room mate who obviously wants a single room at your expense and will stoop to no end to get it...I would hold an intense discussion about sharing while sitting on his chest with my hands around his throat. We would agree to share the room with no further provocation on his part and get along famously for the rest of the semester. Don't leave any bruises.

[Ron Conlon]

dead on. he has had enough roommates do a room change in the past that he actually handed me the papers before i even thought about it, and he has multiple copies so he doesnt have to go to the housing office to get more

That DOES change things. I'd see it as a challenge to get HIM to move out. Stop walking on eggshells for this PITA.

[John Pratt]

I think the whole point of your roomies posturing and getting on your nerves is to get you out so he can have the room to himself. I would have a sit down, come to an agreement and if he doesn't want to agree to be civil and realize that you have as much right to the room as he does, tell him he is free to find another room. Once he finds that you are willing to stand your ground and he is the one that will have to move, he may change his tune. I am not suggesting that you do this, but I might even go so far as to elevate the things that get on his nerves. I would also inform him that if he touches my possessions again, I will seek legal recourse. It is sometimes amazing how people will react once they run into someone who will stand up for themselves. It seems as though this individual has been pushing around people for a while and getting away with it; don't let him. Or then again, you could just ignore him and do what you want to do. You run into a lot of this in the military with different personalities.

[Harry Hagan]

I like Ted’s solution the best. We handled things differently back in the 70s.

Before sitting down with the RA I’d recommend you review the paperwork you signed upon moving into the dorm to see what rights you relinquished. In other words—make sure you know where you stand if the RA suggests you tolerate unreasonable behavior from your roommate while you’re waiting for a more compatible roomie.

Some good headphones would also alleviate conflicts about taste in music, HULU viewing habits, volume, etc.

[curtis rosche]

i like the recruiter idea........
as for a room to him self, Millersville is over"booked" i guess would be the word, for rooms. if i move out, they fill it within a week or two. normaly with someone else who couldnt stand their roommate.

[Brian Kent]

And you live in Paradise, PA?
Imagine how bad it would be if you were in Bittersville, Hellings Corner, or Lower Longswamp, PA.

(And imagine how long it took me to look through an Alphabetical Index of 10,652 Populated Places in Pennsylvania!)

[Charles Goodnight]

I think in this sort of situation it is important to think about what is important to you, and where you are willing to compromise, and where you want to stand your ground. Examples: Listening to a computer while your room mate is napping: A reasonable compromise is getting head phones. Not using the computer is not a reasonable compromise. Agreeing to keep your dirty clothes off the floor is a reasonable compromise, emptying your trash when it is half full is not (unless its half full of rotting food). Once you have figured out your limits stick to them.

Also, think about conflict management techniques. The usual language to say to yourself (it may sound dorky saying it out loud, but maybe not) is to say when you do/say XXXX I tell myself YYYYY and I feel ZZZZ. Example: When you turn up your stereo I tell myself "he is turning up his stereo in retaliation for me using the computer" and I feel angry. The point of the conflict management approach is to only attribute things you can observe to your "opponent". You cannot observe their thoughts or emotions, only their actions which YOU interpret. The other thing you can say is that "It is not ok with me when you do XXX". The funny thing about conflict management language is that it has a way of stopping people cold in their tracks. It immediately changes the entire conversation around so that suddenly they are in the position of having to explain to you why you should have interpreted their actions differently. It puts the issues out in the open, and makes life much easier. In fact, I might suggest at some point saying something to the effect of "when you do XXX I tell myself you are trying to get me to move out so you can have the dorm room to yourself, and this makes me sad and angry because I cannot afford to move out." My guess is that if you do that and he is not prepared for such an approach it will stop him cold in his tracks. If he is prepared he has only two verbal options: agree with you, or explain why you should interpret his actions differently. Of course there are non-verbal options, and to that end it might be a good idea to make that statement when there are other people around so you can file assault charges. . .

[curtis rosche]

And you live in Paradise, PA?
Imagine how bad it would be if you were in Bittersville, Hellings Corner, or Lower Longswamp, PA.

(And imagine how long it took me to look through an Alphabetical Index of 10,652 Populated Places in Pennsylvania!)

you have too much time on your hands..... its could be worse,, i could be from the next town over,,, Intercourse PA. lol. us country boys dont put up with the city folk so well after trying to drive behind them and all :P

[Matt Meiser]

Curtis, I know times have changed in the 50 years since I last had a room mate. In the good old days, I could wrestle twice my weight in wildcats and still win....so faced with a room mate who obviously wants a single room at your expense and will stoop to no end to get it...I would hold an intense discussion about sharing while sitting on his chest with my hands around his throat. We would agree to share the room with no further provocation on his part and get along famously for the rest of the semester. Don't leave any bruises.

Even back in my day (its now 20 years and a week or 2 since my freshman year started so I think I'm now obligated to say that) I think campus police would have called that technique "assault."

[curtis rosche]

Even back in my day (its now 20 years and a week or 2 since my freshman year started so I think I'm now obligated to say that) I think campus police would have called that technique "assault."

in my position, it would considered a hate crime too.

i think it will all work out. the GA found a room on the second floor that someone dropped out. i should be able to go there. i feel bad for the freshman who has to move into my room...