whos right and who is in the wrong?

[curtis rosche]

so im living in the dorm this year at college, and me and my roommate dont see eye to eye. he is a neat freak and im not (im not a slob, but im not anal about how stuff is placed). he tells me i NEED to empty MY half full trashcan cause it bothers him. next issue, the tv cable jack is on his side of the room. he doesnt watch tv so i have to run my cord across the room some how. i ran it along the wire track that runs around the block walls. the tape came unstuck cause i didnt use ducttape. this apparently annoyed him so much that he unplugged my cable and refuses to plug it back in. then today, after my first two classes of the day, its about 10:30, i come back to the dorm and he is taking a nap after his first classes. i dont normaly take naps, so i relaxe at my computer. i didnt have the volume turned up loud, just enough so i can clearly understand whats going on on the show i was watching on hulu. this apparently sparked another nerve which made him get up and turn his stereo on and turn it up well above the noise of my computer. whats the appropriate way to handle situations like this ? and who is in the wrong here?

sorry if it sounds long and ranty, but i am rather "motivated" right now for lack of a better word that is appropriate.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Curtis.....any time 2 or more people have to live together in rather confined quarters disagreements are going to happen. My suggestion is to sit down and talk with him and see if you can come to a resolution. If the two of you can't work things out, don't make a scene of the problem, go to the housing office and ask to be reassigned to another room.

[Chuck Wintle]

besides the fact that your roommate seems to be the controlling type he cannot bar you from access to the tv cable. can you talk to someone about this on campus and if possible get another roommate. life is too short for that kind of stuff.

[Bruce Page]

It sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion, it isn’t a question of right & wrong. Sharing a dorm room is akin to marriage; there needs to be compromise, respect, and consideration on both sides. You could have put on headphones and avoided one argument.

[curtis rosche]

im lookin for another room. but there is a room freexe period that isnt up yet. they freeze room movement so they can tell where there are rooms and where there arent rooms. i thought about sitting down and talking, but im not sure if it would stay civil and calm. i always try to work things out, but there cant be all give on one persons side and all take on the other..

[Chris Kennedy]

Curtis,

If you don't think you can stay civil and calm, you need to speak to your RA. Many RA's are trained to help with roommate conflicts. The one thing to not let happen is that it continue without being addressed. That will just cause bigger problems down the line.

Chris

[Matt Meiser]

No one is right and no one is wrong. Like those above said you have to learn to live with each other.

I was going to write about some of my roommates, but this is publicly searchable and I don't want say things that might make someone looking up my name mad. Especially the one guy

My youngest brother recently took his first vows to become a Brother in the Order of St. Francis. At the ceremony, one of his college roommates (from probably 8 years ago,) who now goes by the name Fr. Dan, told a funny story about how they got in a big fight over my brother's "collection of random computer parts from the 1980's" and how they ended the year "practicing their vow of silence." They are good friends now BTW.

Edit: good advise on speaking to the RA. Conflict resolution is part of their job. If your's blows it off, speak to another or the head RA (or whoever is in charge in your school's structure.) But first I'd suggest trying to get calmed down about the situation and speak with him when you aren't actually mad.

[Jerome Stanek]

ask the RA to sit down with the both of you and discuss the issues.

[Brian Vaughn]

I'll agree with talking to the RA, but it sounds like your roomate was an only child who always got his way, and isn't adjusting well. I had the opposite, a roomate who was an only child and as soon as he got away from his parents, let his life go to pot (Not literally, mind you.)
I'm with you - I take the trash out when I can no longer smush it down and make space (Or there's something on top that I don't want to smush). When his trash can got too full, he went and got a bigger trash can. Actually, he went and got a yard trash can, and even then he had trash spilling out of it onto the floor.
He quit going to classes, so he would play video games until 3 or 4 in the morning. At first it was through the speakers, I complained, and he put on headphones. But at 3AM, he would have it turned up so loud that I couldn't sleep because of the noise. I yelled, went to the RA, and in the end, I just had to deal with it for the rest of that year, then he was kicked out of school, and I've not talked to him again.

Hopefully that's not the answer that you get to, but maybe you can suggest some compromises to help things. He's upset about the cable, offer a solution how it will be connected and stay out of the way. Or offer to swap sides of the room with him. The noise on the computer, you can get a set of inexpensive headphones that would allow you to listen and not bother him if he's asleep. But at the same time, he needs to learn to loosen up. If your half-full trash bothers him that much, he should take it out when he takes his out (Assuming it's not costing you bags each time...and assuming it's not smelling up the room). In the end, it's a lot like a marriage...you two are living together now, you either need to find a middle ground, or get divorced, because if things are already this bad at the start, it would make for an especially miserable year for both of you if it continues this way...

[David G Baker]

Curtis,
It is definitely past time for a divorce (I have left wives with similar dispositions). Try to put up with the situation and if you can be civil, then get the heck out as soon as a place becomes available.

[Ben Hatcher]

Welcome to the big boy and girl world of adulthood. Time to learn how to compromise and respect the fact that there is another person with equal rights sharing your space. Learn to live without inconveniencing others. It will serve you well.

You need to learn to talk to and negotiate with your roommate. You're both going to have to give a little. If he wants to take a nap after class, agree on when and for how long he needs and go somewhere to study during that time. If you insist on being in the room and watching tv, wear headphones.

[Bill Edwards(2)]

ask the RA to sit down with the both of you and discuss the issues.

Bingo! What he said.

[curtis rosche]

sorry if my compaints sounded a bit childish, i was rather wound up when i posted it, it just ticks me off that a person can make it to their sophmore year in college (and he apparently lived on his own since high school) and still not have learned that you cant always have it your way and that you must work with others.

[John Lohmann]

Is he very smart & going to be a billionaire?

[curtis rosche]

Is he very smart & going to be a billionaire?

not sure,,, but with his adittude and the things he does, i think someone will slam the door if his face when the oppourtunity arises