I'm Looking For a Children's Forum

[Michael Cody]

I got nervous the other day.

Rachel said, "Daddy...is it ok if I talk to Amanda on rune-something-or-other.com?"
So I go through my standard..."Who is Amanda...what is rune-something-or-other"...you know...the standard questions just prior to a resounding "NO!"

Anyway...This forced me to give the girls a real live scenario of what I fear most about chat rooms and little girls. And I made it scary......not enough to give nightmares....but scary enough for now.

They wanted to know if there was an alternative. And the only thing I could really think of, is a heavily moderated and monitored Forum for Children......only, I can't seem to find any.

Any ideas anyone?

There is no such thing as a safe forum... you've gotten some good advice. I am a full time hi-level service tech. I do security audits where I intentionally try to invade systems. I install, configure, etc.. everything anywhere I can get paid to do it. I think about this type of stuff all the time, how to control access, control content, etc.

Basically you can't stop this stuff... I tell parents what I did to limit my sons from where they go:

1. Only internet capable computer outside my laptop (which is with me) is in the family room.
2. I use a firewall & content software that limits the time of day they can be on the internet w/o a password.
3. Each boy has his own account -- w/o install privileges. My work is mostly done on my laptop, but my personal account on the machine has a screen saver password and there is a boot password on the machine.
4. Even my account is limited by local policies and can't install, can't change the time, or change other lockouts on the boy's accounts. Only the administrator account can do that and I don't work in that account unless I am installing something.
5. I log all chat sessions in AIM, YahooIM, etc.. and I do read them.
6. I scan cookies & history (they don't have the ability to clean it either, only I do).. to see where they go and when.

Basically I did all this and the oldest (now 18) who's really good (but not in my class yet ) .. got around it several times - there are holes everywhere. I caught him most of the time I think ! Actually it's sorta good 'cause you can keep up on what they talking about, etc. They just have to know you are doing it.

I did due diligence, but each and every act is explained and I attempted to teach them what the possible issues are and what they needed to do. I am sure they were not happy (which they voiced to me on several occasions ) ... but I attempted to limit any damage from mistakes they made so they could learn from them. It's the best you can do. You can't protect them from everything. With daughters it's probably worse ... you can just teach them and hope they learn to make good decisions.

Basically you've got to understand they will go elsewhere to get around your rules .. my son for sure did what he wanted at other peoples homes, just like I couldn't stop him growing up, I could only teach and hope for the best. He survived, we spend a lot of time fretting about things we can't control. I controlled what I could -- lots of stuff like "Dad, how come I can't do whatever, Jared's parents let him do it!" ... my answer -- "that is his house, this is my house -- such is life but here is why I do what I do ..."

Oldest seems have turned out ok .. eagle scout, college, nice girlfriend, generally an decent young man .. the juries out on the youngest one at this time.

[John Hart]

Thanks Mike. I know and implement all the security protocols as well. As an IT Director, I've had plenty of practice with our network and the 100 or so employees who act like children sometimes. It has given me good experience for keeping our home network pretty tight and, so far, the kids understand the reasoning for it and have been great about our internet usage rules.

I've done some checking and found that children-based forums are going away. It seems that there are regulations enacted that make it too expensive to run a children's forum site...so, many of them have closed their doors.

I did some checking on the kidscom.com site, went through the whole site, called the company, spoke to the people. Looks like an awesome place. I let the girls sign up as Free Members last night to let them browse around and they are thrilled with the number of activities, the games, the rewards program...everything. Looks good.

The site is designed to teach all the basic educational stuff like math, science, nature...etc., but also adds personal responsibility, work ethic, social skills, and others to the mix. As they succeed with the activities, they are awarded points that they can later cash in and buy stuff in the site's store. And I am also given an account with 8000 points per month, that I can give the kids as I see fit, when they do things around the house or get good grades or whatever. They can also set up their own personal webpage and even run a store of their own.

They have a chat room (just one) that is only open for certain hours. There is an adult monitoring every transaction, and parents are notified, via email, of all activity. They are really into the parental notification thing. The kids are not allowed in the chat room until I send a letter via snail mail, authorizing that privilege....so we'll wait and see for a while.

Anyway...this is where I'm headed right now. The girl's behavior has been exemplary so far....so I'd like to reward that with something that they'll enjoy....but also derive some benefit.

Thanks everyone for your valuable insights!!!

[Jim Becker]

Thanks for the tip on that kids site, John. I'll have to check it out.

[Charles McKinley]

YUCK!

John is there any way to stop this growing up thing?

My munchkins are 5,4 &2. THe stories about internet predators really scares me as the 4 year old has no fear of other people.

Thanks for an interesting thread.