Who's on First 2006

[Cary Falk]

You have to be old enough (hope I haven't offended you) to remember Abbott
and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully
appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our
computers, please read on.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on First?", might have turned out something like this:

Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott.

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses, and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK. What did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything
I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".

[Phyllis Meyer]

It's one of my favorite! I'm 43, but I'm sure I would have loved the "sitting around the radio" as my Mom told me about! Thanks for making my day! Great stuff!

Sincerely,

Phyllis

[Mark Stutz]

ROTFLMAO

My sons would probably tell you that many of my conversations with them about computers would have sounded just like that when I was just getting started! They will also tell you that I am only marginally better at understanding them now!

Mark

[Bjorn Andersen]

Hilarious! And I think (from a mail I received the other day) than many helpdesks and shops around have customers like that:


"True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute his phone because he couldn't bear it anymore. He was laughing very hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive."

***********************************************
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked.
I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
************************************************
Hehehe, as for listening to the radio, we did when I was little- every saturday afternoon (and I am not 39 yet) and some late saturday evenings. But not offended in the least

[Aaron Koehl]

LOL

Try working at an ISP:

"WHAT did you DO TO THE INTERNET?!" (As if, we, somehow, did something to the Internet)

"Sorry?"

...several minutes of tech support, to find out customer is sitting in the dark, and has no power to their computer-- during a thunderstorm, no less.

[Bjorn Andersen]

LOL

Try working at an ISP:

"WHAT did you DO TO THE INTERNET?!" (As if, we, somehow, did something to the Internet)

"Sorry?"

...several minutes of tech support, to find out customer is sitting in the dark, and has no power to their computer-- during a thunderstorm, no less.

Hahahahah! Good one


How about this:

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

or...

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

And this was good... made me think...lol:


MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMPUTING!


~ For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
~ To err is human... to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.
~ He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
~ If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.
~ A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
~ The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
~ A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.
~ When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
~ When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
~ The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
~ When the going gets tough, upgrade. ~ When you need to send an email quick, that's when the modem won't connect!