What would you do?

[Ken Shoemaker]

You did the right thing...

Bottom line: Deal with it right now, or live with it the rest of HIS life!!!!!

They may not know it right now, but your probably doing everyone a favor and keeping the peace...


Good Luck!! Ken

[Norman Pyles]

You were in a really tough situation, and I think you handled it pretty good. I hope everything works out ok for all. Maybe you could get them a bid from a cabinet company, and see just how much money you are saving them.

[Chuck Lenz]

I don't do any work for family or friends anymore. They just end up sucking the life out of you. It's a good way to ruin relationships and it takes all the fun out of woodworking. I would not do it.

[Dan Barr]

I would have charged him for the estimate too. Much less the labor.

Unless it was my idea as a gift or a pre-arranged deal of some sort.

Can i get you to build me some cabinets?

v/r

dan

[James Hart]

Maybe I'm a little different but I look at doing stuff for parents and in-laws almost as a payback for the hundreds of thousands of dollars they spent raising you or your spouse, plus you will likely get it back plus interest when they pass away. They might just move in with you some day and you can use the cabinets yourself.

I understand that we all can not afford to give them whatever they want, but at the same time, you can tell them there are two options. You can make the cabinets out of c grade plywood from the Borg for his $1200 or do it the "right" way, which is the way he taught you as a child to allways do, but that's gonna cost more. His decision. My Dad always said that if it wasn't worth doing it right the first time, it was'nt worth doing at all.

Good luck, and I'm sure that no matter what you end up making, they will be very appreciative of them.

I think both Steve and Peter hit the nail on the head.

We don't automatically owe our parents or in-laws anything. They need to have earned it. I would build anything for my parents or my father-in-law. They have earned my eternal gratitude. If I had done away my mother-in-law the first time it entered my mind I would already be out on parole.

Jim

[Robert Mahon]

Unfortunately, my Mom & Dad are no longer with me. So, I don't have to deal with that.
But, when asked by anyone else, kids included, I tell them I do this stuff for fun and making large items for someone else is not fun for me.

If they really want me to do something for them, go to HD or the like and get a price. Then double it to have me do it.

I also tell them, when they ask me what I want for Christmas or my birthday, "If you can't get me a BMW M6, don't get me anything".

My Daughter-in-law got smart and bought me a model of one. She thought it pretty cute at the time but was a bit surprised when she asked me to make her a Hutch and I made her a model of one.

I don't want to start making stuff on order because it'll just turn into another job. And I've had all of them I want.

You did it right.

[Thomas Knighton]

My Daughter-in-law got smart and bought me a model of one. She thought it pretty cute at the time but was a bit surprised when she asked me to make her a Hutch and I made her a model of one.

OK, that's just plain funny!

Tom

[Brian Weick]

I would be insulted first of all- " let me know when I get to the $1000 mark"? Are you kidding me, And he's taking a trip to Florida! No way- Family is supposed to support each other , not screw them- this guy is a piece of work in my opinion- DON"T DO IT!
Man that burns me up!
Brian

[Rich Engelhardt]

Hello Michael,
One very important call you and the in-laws missed is a call to their insurance agent.
You need to find out who pays if you get hurt doing work for them - even uncompensated work, and who pays if you accidently damage anything during the installation.

We - my wife and I - just went through a similar process.

[Lee Schierer]

When I make items for family the deal is that they buy all the materials and any special cutters I might need. The special cutters and tools are mine at the end of the job. The labor is free because it keeps me out from in front of the TV. I also help with home repairs and home improvement projects, but expect similar help if I need it on a project. I have given gifts to both kids and parents that were made in my shop. Some have returned to my house when the folks didn't need them anymore, so now I have them.

If you are donating the labor then I would expect your FIL to pay for the materials since he obviously isn't going to contribute any labor to the project if he is going to Flordia. I would also make it clear that my job and other things might prevent the completion before he returns.

[Don Bullock]

Michael, in your situation you did the right thing for you and your family. If he doesn't want to pay the "cost" of what he wants then at least you've given him that choice. Adding a "fee" in for your time would have even been better.

That said, as soon as my friends and relatives found out I was getting back into woodworking I started getting "orders" from them. I have now let everyone know "up front" that I'm doing projects that I want to do, not what others want me to do. That's one of the biggest reasons I quit over twenty years ago. Most of my "shop time" was spent on projects that other people "expected" me to make. On some of them my wife and I even had to pay for the materials. Yes, I recently made some Christmas gifts for some special friends, but I did it because I wanted to, not because it was expected. I, by nature, am a very giving person. I enjoy giving presents to people that will make them "happy."

I found out the "hard way" that family and friends can easily "dominate" my woodworking to the point where it isn't fun any more. I refuse to get back in that rut again.

[John Seiffer]

I agree with everyone else who said you did the right thing.

The only thing I'd add is that you ask your wife to stop being the go-between. If he tells her something to tell you, she should just say "I'll have him call you" and when you call make it clear you didn't get any of the details.

[Randal Stevenson]

While you handed him the budget, WITH a fudge factor, I would make sure he knows, it is open to any unforseen problems (out of HIS pocket).

I have had problems with EVERY hobby I have enjoyed, and they have ALL turned into work. Including assisting the family with around the house projects (not FINE woodworking), automotive, and computers (to name a few).
I do agree on the insurance thing (can get very ugly).
As to the parents, in-laws thing, why do we owe them? I know I didn't ask to be born, and while some parents earn, trust, love and respect, if you have seen what all I have seen (not just my family but friends, etc), I think your views of life would be different.
Inheritence, smeritence. I have seen people die, and leave their kids, to go get loans, to bury them.

If you do jobs for people, and not just woodworking for fun, treat this as one of those ones you overbid, because you don't want to do it. If you do jobs for yourself/fun, tell him that and put it to rest.

[Dan Barr]

Family can be one of the biggest time eaters when it comes to their wants.

my mother-in-law didnt want a coffee table BEFORE she knew i woodworked.

Just like when you go to the store with your list of gorceries. do you get exactly whats on the list. NOPE.

you always get a few more things. why... because they are available to you. if they werent available you wouldnt have gotten them.

here is my silly satire of the whole thing going down.

-family thinks: woodwork now an available option since discovering family member with woodworking skills
-family then thinks: new coffee table would be nice, new fill in blank would be nice also.
-family proceeds to ask woodworker for/about said object
-woodworker (depending on mental clarity, standing with family member, standing with spouse, etc.) proceeds to get into something other than a business deal here.
-woodworker then proceeds to under-quote cost in order to appease family member, maybe spouse.
-woodworker also eats difference in prices
-family member complains about timing
-woodworker says "i know, i'll have it done soon"
-family member critiques work on frequent visits causing a re-design and a delay
-woodworker does not say "well this is what you said you wanted"
-because of the aforementioned omitted, family member feels as though they have leeway here and proceeds to complain again about the re-design and the delay. Even throws in comments about "what am i paying you for"
-woodworker does not say "you are not paying me though" and numerous other explicative remarks
-woodworker also refrains from acts of violence and thoughts of homicide
-woodworker secretly tells spouse of troubles and tension
-spouse secretly tells family member of woodworkers bad attitude
-family member proceeds to talk about woodworker behind their back
-woodworker gets the feeling that the family member is talking about them behind their back.
-triangular rumor mill proceeds until all parties deaths (pseudo ad infinitum)
-project is finally complete
-woodworker refuses to be present when the family member picks it up or woodworker begrudgingly hauls the project to the family members house and installs it for them while family member "supervises"
-spouse says "thank god"
-woodworker loses temper and gets into argument with spouse
-woodworker and spouse sleep seperately that night
-woodworker has learned the hard way once again

LOLOLOLOL

thats my 25 cents worth for the day.

dan

[Michael Gibbons]

Well gang, It's 2 days after Christmas, the in-laws left for Florida for about 3 months yesterday and I heard no word from FIL about the cabinets he wanted me to build so I'm going to safely assume( for now), that he doesn't want them done. On the other hand, he will argue with himself for weeks when it means spending a large sum of money. I and my wife and her 2 brothers were cracking up when we found out that he didn't sleep for the whole week before he went out and bought their new class A motor home a few years ago, It was like he was having ALL his teeth pulled.