What a trainwreck. I love this hobby. (long)

[Nathan Conner]

Nothing says "enjoyable hobby" like this past few evenings in the shop. Man, oh, man...you can't make this stuff up.

Now, I still consider myself mostly a novice, but these two beside tables really turned into a mess. I can think of very few things I could have possibly done more wrong. And, believe it or not, I cut nothing short.

SWMBO has been asking for a pair of bedside tables for awhile, so I got down to business this weekend. I was going to pair Alder with 3/4" Oak ply - both of which I had enough of in the shop, so...no trips to the lumberyard.

Started out milling all the Alder. No problems other than humongous piles of chips from the planer. Got the Alder all roughed out and stacked. Some winding, checking, warping when the pressure was released but nothing I can't fix with some glue and pressure.

Alright. Now, I'm using a sort of funny design - right smack out of the plans, (so I'm sure it'll work fine.) 2 ply sides, 1/4" back, 2 x 3/4" ply shelves/supports, top/bottom. 1/2 dadoes which I've never used before - sort of look like lap joints.

I got started with the top/bottom and horizontal panels first - the design called for these 1/2 dadoes. A little weird, but...ok. I've done these before on the router, but let's give the dado setup on the TS a try. After lots of test cuts, got the height/width spot-on, and went to town. Hey, that was easy! Oops. I'm a little short on materials and short two top-support panels. Well, I've got a big panel here that may work out for the tops - it's mystery wood from a torn-down bunkbed from last year. A little planer work, and there's my panel (only the front edge is visible, so we're good).

The plans called for 1/4" facing, but I'm smarter than that. I have some ebge banding and a trimmer, I'm going to do this RIGHT. I did, but now I'm out of banding. Hope this all goes well.

On to the sides. (I'm making two tables at once) All 4 are not _too_ difficult. Some more 1/2 dadoes spaced along the panel, and...we're good! They came out fine! Well, except for all the tearout on the edgebanding. Dang. That looks awful. Well, I can putty that, and I found that in less than an hour, I can find little pieces to cut and glue in place to do some minor repair.

So, all the ply is milled and I'm going in for the night. *bump* *CRASH!* Oops. Well, crap. I'll have to fix that piece. Little dent in the corner, there. No prob. Everything's gone smoothly so far, for ONCE. Except that. I can fix that in the morning.

Next day, I'm READY. Life is good, this is coming together, and I should have these finished by the end of the week. So, another hour of setup and cutting up my last piece of Oak to reproduce that side that fell off the table, and I'm back to where I was. It's all good. Crap. I'm out of edgebanding. Hmmm... How to deal with this? An hour later, I've removed edgebanding from a shelf in the shop with the hot iron, and it now lives on the new panel. What a mess that was!

Now, let's...Hey! Man, that mystery wood sure bowed a LOT overnight after that planing down from 5/4 to 3/4. Well...that's ok - another trip through the planer and it's a little skinny, but I can adjust. So, another 20 minutes of setting up and planing, and some drawing adjustments...well, CRUD. Now, that'll require the drawer face to be bigger, and that's already milled.

Hmmm. Ok, Hey! There's some old Cherry ply. I can use that. I'll just have to glue that to some 1/4" to make my 3/4". So, an hour later and a night in the vacuum bag and the next day I'm READY.

So, re-cut the dadoes for the newly made top pieces, and now I'm set. Out comes the glue and...hey, I'm smarter than that. How about a dry fit? Well, heck. Those don't fit! The old '3/4" is not 3/4"' trick with plywood. That's cool. I got it. Another hour milling those pieces a bit more for a better fit, and all looks good. One side goes on beautifully. (Note the "one".)

I'm set, now. Time for glue. Glue in the dadoes, slip one side in. Man, this looks good.

Glance at page 5 of the instructions, where the last line is something like, "Now you're ready to glue up the carcass..." and on page 6, where it starts, "But before you do, make sure you drill all your holes." You can hear my shoulders sagging, can't you? "Dammit!"

So, pull the 1/2-assembly apart, off to the drill press to drill the 14 different sizes of holes needed for stops, washers, hinges, air holes, shelf pins, etc. Wiping off glue everywhere, covered the drill press in glue, and, of course, drilled the washer recesses on the wrong side of the top. Panic and glue everywhere.

Ok. Calm. Deep breaths. This may work yet. More glue, one side finished.

Grab the other side, and...(*sigh*) YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Yet again, I've DONE it. I've milled up 4 right sides. (*groan*)

Well, I'm not smiling anymore, but this is fixable. With a bunch of head-shaking and muttering, GEES, I'd better hurry. There's glue in that one side and already in the dadoes on the OTHER right sides that need to become left sides. So, I'm using handfulls of sawdust and a screwdriver to try and get glue out of the dadoes so I can re-run that right side correctly. Of course, there'll be a groove where there shouldn't be one, but with some creativity and little pieces of edgebanding and strips of oak, I can fix this. Quick. The world didn't end.

So, let's see, quick, put the dado blade back on, 5 1/8" from the fence, quick, quick. 3/8" deep, hurry up. Ok, It's done. Crap, more edgebanding tearout. Ok, ok. I can deal with that later. Quick, quick.

Is there something wrong with me? Why is this whole project turning into a comedy of errors?

2 hours later...Phew. Done, and DONE. The carcass is glues and clamped. Life is good. Let's get started on that repair work.

Wow, that took over another 2 hours to get those repaired and sanded so they look...well...crappy. But, it's inside a door, so life's good. That piece of endgebanding - wow. What a job. It's like inlay, and the grain matches...really nice work. Let's get cutting on the back. Where's that 1/4" ply for the back? Where did I put it? Hmmmm.

Oh. Yeah. I used it to fix the tops. Dang. (*sigh*) Ok, well, I can use 1/2" for the back, but...can I plane this down? Plywood? Naaah. I'd better just route out the dado in the back a little deeper (we're still in clamps, by the way). So, with creativity and moving clamps, I managed to cut/chisel the back out a little deeper, so the 1/2" would fit in it's place. Cut the 1/2" down to size, fitted it, naile...*CRAP* knot...shiner. Well, back it out. At least there's only 1...no, 2. I should take a break. This is getting silly. 3. What is UP with this plywood? Oh, I have the compressor on 150. Oops. (*grin*) Back it off, and we're good.

Criminy. I'm exhausted, but it's together. Shabby as hell, but maybe I can repair it, and make it look better with stain and filler...right? Turn off the lights and hit the sack.

Headed back down the next evening and turn on the lights to admire the carcasses. Uhhh. Hmmm. Is that...? Does that look right? Looks like the shelf-bottom-support is a little askew. Naah. Impossible. I checked and re-checked. 5 1/8" - I still remember.

So, let's just measure those...WHAT?! NOOO! Why is one 5 1/8" and the other is 5 3/8"?...OH! God. I can't believe that. 5 1/8 from the TOP of the dado. It was turned around.

Ok, well, maybe the glue isn't....nope, it's set and rock-hard. Can I rip off the...no, that's not going to work. What ab... Naah. Maybe if I...nope. Can I save any of it?

Simply Stunning. This project is really, really DONE.

Hands in pockets. Stay calm. No fit-throwing. Tilt head back. Deep breaths. Sit down. %*$&#!~!~! Low blood pressure. Relaxing hobby...remember that. Deep breaths. Very calmly, I walk over to the tool cabinet and gently take out the BIG framing hammer.

I sneak up on the carcasses lying, unsupecting on the table...I took a deep breath...a couple of steps back from the assembly table and take ONE HELL OF A TWO-HANDED SWING at the inside of this screwy looking, sad, pitiful attempt at an end table.

*CRASH* *ZING* *CLATTER* *CLATTER* *CRASH* "STUPID THING" *CRASH*

Problem solved.

[Bas Pluim]

Nathan, thanks for posting. It was so recognizable it was scary! Right side/ left side, consistent measurements, planning, square - it's obvious on paper and so hard in practice. That's why I prefer software. When you mess up, you can repair it without leaving any trace.

And yes, I have used the sledge hammer once or twice as well. It's not destruction. It's breaking down the piece into reusable components. Also, some projects start out with beautifully figured wood, but call for a paint finish at the end....

[Scott Haddix]

You had me in tears I was laughing so hard. I suspect a LARGE number of us see ourselves in your shoes as we're reading this. And you are not the only only to grab a large hammer for a quick disassembly!

[Mark Vernon]

Nathan,
I've got to admit I started laughing about half way through and groaning in sympathy towards the end. Great story, and unfortunately , one too many of us can relate to. If you ever get the bedside tables actually finished, try to share a picture with us. And best of luck on your next project...maybe a small box or a step stool to bring back some confidence.?

Mark

[Jeff Hallam]

Sorry to take pleasure in your misfortune, but I laughed so hard at your post! I think I can laugh because I've been there and can relate to the deep breathing exercises when it's all said and done.

I hope you can walk away with a few lessons learned and have better success in the next one.

[Shawn Honeychurch]

Man;

Talk about having flash backs, thanks Nathan, now I have to go back to therapy, again.

Shawn

[Jim Becker]

"D'oh!" moments happen...

[Rick Hubbard]

Nathan- Thanks for this.

Except for one or two details, it sounds pretty much exactly like the knitting cabinet project I started work on 3 weeks before my wife's birthday. Except for the framing hammer part- I used a circular saw.

Rick

[Mike Zozakiewicz]

Thanks for sharing Nathan. You had me laughing. I, like others, feel you pain because we have been there. However, it is always nice to be reminded that you are not the only one who makes those mistakes! 'Cause I know, when I am standing in my shop, looking at a piece that is in an unsalvageable state, I think I am the dumbest rock in the pile.

Good luck on your next project.

Mike

[Chris Holder]

That's hilarious! I've been there, done that. Glue ups are the scariest, most stressful times of my life. I'm sure you, like most of us, will learn way more from your mistakes than from from your successes. Just remember all the things that you won't do next time.

[Charlie McGuire]

What a great post, and so well presented - been there too many times

Nathan, enjoy your trip to the lumber yard, or the furniture store (whichever seems to work out best)

Charlie

[Bert Johansen]

Nathan, can I buy the film rights for this hilarious story? Thanks for posting. We've all been there! Remember the old adage: you can tell a professional woodworker because he knows how to hide his mistakes. Even if it takes a sledge hammer. Guess that makes you a pro now!

[Jesse Espe]

No pics. Didn't happen.

[Cliff Rohrabacher]

*CRASH* *ZING* *CLATTER* *CLATTER* *CRASH* "STUPID THING" *CRASH*

Problem solved.

Just about every one has had a run like that.

[Nathan Conner]

No pics. Didn't happen.

Not that I believe you're honestly skeptical but I hadn't brought myself to go down to the shop and clean up yet.

Of course, who would, in their right mind, relate a story like this to the world in all its glorious ineptitude?

Anyhow, just seeing the results on the floor got my bp up about 30 points. Thanks. :P