Should I Stay or Should I Go?

[Larry Conely]

Brian,

Take a break. Things will look different in a few years.

In a short period of time, I lost my best friend, my father, my mother and my son. It was devastating. While I have always looked suspiciously at support groups, i attend one to help me through the death of my son. Not only can they help in ways you cannot imagine, it helps to realize you are not alone in your grief. Many others share your circumstances and, believe it or not, there is always someone worse off than you.

While the wounds will never go away completely, the world looks differently to me than it did four years ago.

Take a break from things that make you uncomfortable. As you have noted, you can return, or not, later.

Best wishes,

Larry

[Barry Stratton]

Brian,

Only you will know when the time is right. Take care and cherish the memories. Also, I'm a new comer to this state, and on the opposite side than Al. You are always welcome to stop by and laugh at a tourist if you are in this neck of the woods.

[Al Willits]

Will all the MN members who've posted, maybe a Minnesota Creeker gathering is in order, few cheerful faces surly couldn't hurt, and it'd be chance for some of Minnesotians to meet.

Just a thought....

Al...yes other's could attend...

[Ken Fitzgerald]

And of course, Tyler, the socialite that he is will want to attend!

[Mark Cothren]

...few cheerful faces...

Al, you obviously have not seen Barry's face............




Brian, hang in there. It will get better and you'll be ready to make your own decision before long.

[Robert Miller]

I'd like to add my condolences also.
Sometimes when we go through something like this ( I have) we lose interest in something that we once enjoyed. I think that the reason you feel no joy in it right now is because you are still grieving.and that's only natural.
No one can tell you how, or how long to grieve. I read somewhere that sometimes when we are in termoil and we are in the middle of a raging river clinging to a rock in the middle of the stream , we are afraid to let go even though we can see the calm water downstream.
It may seem as if you are never going to get to a place that you feel calm and happy again, only time will tell.
But I have a feeling from what you've shared of your Dad, that that's where your Dad was happy , amongst his tools, and his projects.
You can feel his presence in them, and so right now it makes you sad.

In your own time, it will fill you again with the pride and comfort you and your Dad felt together. You'll know it when your ready.

In the meantime, just think of your friends at the Creek as calm water.


"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
Kahlil Gibran

[Brian Kent]

Brian, I'm with you in a lot of ways. My dad died on April 4 - just over two months ago. So much to think through and feel, and it's a little different each week.

I'm also a pastor, and the only significance here is that I get to walk with a lot of people through their grief. They give me permission to get close. Their grief is wild and unpredictable and unavoidable.

One of the things I watch is how spouses do with giving their wife's / husband's clothing away. Often it is unthinkable even to move things. Then one day a year or two later, they know exactly what to do with every item.

Your dad's stuff is a gift in disguise as a reminder of him. You don't have to do anything now. Sometime in months or year(s) you will all of a sudden know what to do with every single item. Nobody can guess for you.

Most people have something like this that they have lived through, so you have a lot of compassion and sympathy out there.

Brian

[John Schreiber]

What a gift of sharing your post was. Hard to write I'm sure.

The responses have also been a beautiful gift. It's a privilege to be part of this community.

Thank you all.

[Al Willits]

[quote=Mark Cothren;607229]Al, you obviously have not seen Barry's face............



Well he didn't look that bad on the wanted poster I seen.......

Al

[Joe Mioux]

I read your original post, and avoided all the others.

A large part of my business is the funeral business.

Don't sell anything until you have had a chance to get to a point of acceptance of your dad's passing.

Secondly, If you dad enjoyed woodworking and you enjoyed woodworking, especially with him, hang on to those tools and build something that you can take out to the cemetary,

think about it! maybe a bird house. some sort of hook to hang flowers on. just something. you will get more peace of mind out of building something in his memory than you can possibly imagine right now.

I don't know or didn't read whether you have children, if so let them help build something for grandpa.

Teach your children well!

Teach them an appreciation of woodworking, like your dad did you.

Build a legacy.

Build a positive ...

Joe

[Lee McLaughlin]

I can't say anything that's not already been mentioned here already but I too lost one of my parents - years ago. It still hurts at times but then I remember what my mom told me late one night when it was just her and me just days before she pasted. Lee she said, I know you are hurting right now and there's nothing I can do about that but I'll ask one favor of you. Please don't hurt on my account. I would hate to think that I have caused you pain for you are the dearest person in my life and I love you so very very much. If you love me you won't let me hurt you because that truly is the last thing I'd ever want to cause you. Be happy hon and when you think of me remember the happy times because I'll be in your heart and I'll be hurting if you do. Anyway that's what she told me and it didn't really register at the time but when she pasted I remembered that conversation and kind of made myself only remember the good things. I kinda feel it would be letting her down by doing otherwise. Yes it hurts but then I remember her last request and I do my best to honor it. She would not want me to hurt so I try not too. When you hurt that is for yourself it's not want your dad would want. That would only hurt him. Anyway that's me. Maybe you can share that thought. Your dad I'm sure would want the same for you. You'll be in my prayers Brian. Time does heal and makes it easier. You can believe that. Lee

[Ken LaSota]

Brian my sincere condolences.I can't add much more to what has been said except to say it takes time and you will heal ,so hang it there and the day will come when you will want to try agin. I will keep you in my prayers.
Ken

[Ben Grunow]

Sorry for your loss and your story is one that struck a chord with me as I work with my father every day building homes.

I think that after some time I might be able to find some enjoyment in the shop as a way to remember the fun shared there and also to continue in my fathers footsteps and pursue his interests as they might become your own. A bridge beyween the past, present and future.

I find that as every day passes with my father, the things I used to dislike about him are becoming the things that I do every day. It is the cycle of life and family as far as I am concerned. In the same way that my 3 yr old son is doing the same devious things to me as I did to my father.

Dont get rid of the tools/shop. You might really miss them someday. Give it time.

This is just my opinion so please feel free to tell me to go scratch if you like.

Take it easy.

Ben

[Paul Geer]

My dad past away March 9th this year, and everything looks so different to me now. Dad did leather work and some woodworking. Dad got me interested in woodworking and I carried it beyond what he showed me. He was proud of me and told me he would be sad if I ever gave it up. I'm sure your dad would feel the same way. I like to think he's watching me now as I work in the shop.

Keep going.

[Steve Schlumpf]

Brian,

First off - I am sorry for your loss. Lots of good advice from all your friends here on SMC. We each have our own way of dealing with the loss of a loved one and I hope that a response from someone here has helped you in understanding that things will get better.

I, like many others, can feel what you have been going through. My folks supported my woodworking when I first got started and really loved what I created once I got into turning. I’d have to say that along with my wife – they are my primary sources of inspiration. I lost my Dad on February 7 of this year – lost my Mom on April 13. They were both 75. In two months I went from being the oldest son to the oldest in the family. I had to pack up a lifetime of memories, sell their house and am in the process of settling their estate. To say my woodworking motivation was gone would simply be an understatement.

I am troubled by the sudden loss but at the same time I know they would want me to be happy and continue to do what I have a passion for – woodworking. I started turning again a week ago. Fairly shaky work at first and I was very surprised at how much I had lost in 5 months of not turning. I feel a little more comfortable on the lathe today and find myself including my folks into the decision making process when it comes to designs. They’re not gone – I just have to listen louder.

Reaching out to your friends here is a great step to take in the healing process and I hope we have helped. Please put off any decisions regarding your woodworking and equipment until you had time to adjust with life and how it has changed.

I wish you the very best.